The Facepalm

Publishing Veritas Academy's finest facepalm moments

Month: December, 2012

When Mr. Donaldson tries to say

by facepalmforever

both “That grinds my gears” and “That gets my goat” at the same time:

 

“That really grinds my goat.”

Times Mr. Donaldson has said “Ageenst”

by Mr. Donaldson

Against:

IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   IIIII   II

On Husbandry

by facepalmforever

 

“What’s a heiffer?”

“A female cow.”

“Oh, I put poor people. I thought a heifer was a poor person.”

-Josh, asking about a quiz question on a sacrifice to Athena.

Prompt # 27, by Sadie Jenkins

by facepalmforever

Sadie Palm

It exploded. Feathers everywhere. I swore to myself this was the last time I would give CPR to a chicken. Ever since I was little, I have had an obsession with giving mouth-to-mouth to chickens. I can’t explain it, but I love it. Especially when they explode. My therapist told me that it wasn’t “good for the chickens”, so I promised that I would never do it again; but so far I haven’t been able to stop it. “That’s the fifth one so far…” I sighed. So I ate pudding to bury my guilt.

After going through fifteen chocolate Snack Packs, I decided that I should go back to school. However, I feared that everyone would reject me because of my “problem”. Hopefully, they wouldn’t find out…

“Oh no!” I screamed. It was national “Bring a Chicken to Work” Day. Everyone turned to me, hearing my scream.

“You okay?” one student asked. But because I have always been socially challenged, I told him “Alvin’s hot juice box” in a whisper to confuse him. Then I ran away.

I was relieved that I had made it through first period without giving CPR to any chickens. Unfortunately, I accidentally dropped someone’s chicken into a puddle of boiled grease.

Second period, I was asked an excellent question: “Do you even go to school here?” That is when I realized that I should’ve stayed home. I forgot I was home-schooled!

I jumped up and headed for the doors when suddenly, I thought “CHICKEN” and couldn’t take it anymore…

“Weeeeyoooo!” I chanted as I dove on top of the desk and grabbed for chickens. Immediately, kids started screaming, chickens jumped, and the teacher chugged his coffee.

Fifteen minutes later…

Feather are everywhere. Some students left the room with fear, while others took videos and posted them on youtube. “My bad, guys,” I explained. But they didn’t care. it had already been done. the cops were on the way.

“Have fun in prison,” I heard a voice. I turned around. It was a wingless chicken on a flying unicorn.

“Help me, wise chicken!” I pleaded.

“Maybe next time,” it replied. Then the unicorn, with the chicken on its back, flew into the sunset. And as that majestic bird got closer to the sun, it burst into flames, and so went my spirit.

THE END