North Pole Race: Hanenburg Vs Donaldson
by Mr. Donaldson
“Who would win in a worldwide race to the North Pole between Mr. Hanenburg and Mr. Donaldson” as answered by 9th grade boys:
1. Donaldson has a natural Canadian resistance to cold, and he probably knows Canada’s terrain better, but Hanenburg is more used to rock climbing and similar activities. Assuming that neither had access to planes or 4×4 (not that the latter would do much good) Hanenburg would ultimately win because of his outdoor skills. I do not know much about Donaldson’s survival skills, so for now this will have to be a large guess. The verdict: Hanenburg…unless they had spaceships.
2. Mr. Donaldson because the North Pole was moved to Canada [edit: from where?] and you [Mr. Donaldson] know how to ride on polar bears [truth], and Mr. Hanenburg would be sitting at home drinking tea while petting the glorious stag he keeps as a pet [his name is Forsythe]
3. Obviously Donaldson. He would summon polar bears, being Canadian, to pull his Ice Chariot, while Hanenburg would be on foot.
5. Mr. Donaldson because [he] used to live in Canada so [he knows] how to get through a lot of snow.
6. I think that Mr. H and Mr. Donaldson would team up and reach the North Pole creating an everlasting friendship, blessed by God, between Francis and Muller, making a new house…MUCIS!
7. Mr. Donaldson: he is already familiar with the geography of Canada, which is very close to the North Pole. He probably has (or will have) a snowmobile or polar bear back in the homeland, which travels faster than Mr. Hanenburg can. Mr. Donaldson also knows all the Mario-Kart-like shortcuts, since he is the head of Francis, the best house at Mario-Kart. [edit: there are yellow-ground-speed-arrows EVERYWHERE in Canada]
8. This is a hard competition of great athleticism. Both of these combatants would have a fine chance of victory with most probably similar economic wealth to help them on their way. Travel by land or water is the first ordinance that they must abide by. In the end, I believe that Mr. Donaldson would win the race due to his greater exposure to, and therefore resistance to, both cold and warm climates.
Hanenburg: 1 (barring spaceships)
MUCIS House: 1 (Sounds like mucus)