Bonus Vol. III

by facepalmforever


The Question:

If there was a holiday dedicated to you, what would be the traditions on that day? 


The Answers:

  • On national [student’s name omitted] day, everyone would line up in domino formation and I would push them over.
  • Cats overruled people on [student’s name omitted] day people were kicked out of their home. The humans serve all kittens and they worship all cats. AND you get to pick a scarf that has cats on it! But you have to use that one all Year till the next [student’s name omitted] day
  • [student’s name omitted] day traditions: #1: watch a Marvel movie. #2: Address any [pop culture] reference you understand, even if it’s by a complete stranger (t-shirts, quoting) #3: go to your favorite public place & meet someone new! #4: must have souffle for dessert.
  • Just like Halloween, only people would pass out puppies instead of candy.
  • At noon, everyone would scream, “Shaida!” and then run around for 8 min. and 8 sec., because my b-day is August 8th. Then, at 8:08, everyone would kick a soccer ball at someone else.
  • Everyone would have the day off and then at night everyone would play Murder in the Dark in the woods.
  • They would celebrate by gathering all the kittens and having a kitten petting zoo. At night they would let lanterns in the air and everyone can choose one kitten.
  • Eat gummy bears & at 12:34 and 56 seconds, ethere would be parties all over for no reason. 🙂
  • On [student’s name omitted] day, people would walk up to other random people & ask deep questions that lead to logical arguments – no greeting required! Also, every time someone passed me they’d have to jump up & scream “We;re not worthy!” – just ’cause I’ve always wanted to hear someone say that.
  • I would have designated neighborhoods all over the U.S. light fires so that when you look at the earth it spells “IN MEMORY OF BRENDAN WARNER” and everyone all around the world shoots off blue fireworks.
  • Everybody would have this day off & they would eat food all day and at 2:44 PM – SHARP – every single person in the world would make the ‘buhlublulalul’ noise w/ tongues
  • I would have everyone carry around an object all day that is really cool and nobody knows what it is so you would have to guess and if you guess right then you got to see me for an hour. I mean, who doesn’t want an hour with me?
  • Everyone would, during the day, make a paper airplane saying to do an action, such as dancing. They would then go to a high building & throw it off the top. Whoever got that plane, and its message, is required to do it by sundown or trade it with someone else. At night, everyone raw a mural on a large rock in a city park.
  • Everyone world-wide would go hunting. In the evening, there would be an abundance of venison for all to feast on, and PETA would be shunned from it, along with the [illegible].
  • There would be a giant festival (midnight to midnight) which, besides regular carnival games and awesome music, some main attractions would be giant, epic soccer games (10 goals, 4 balls and up to 50 players. Extra large field.), and squirrel-suit jumping from all the buildings in the area.
  • You would put on a football helmet and run full speed head to head into each other – (there could be some fatalities).
  • People dye their hair orange and shoot off fireworks in the shape of my face. They also must dance to club dubstep everywhere they go, while simultaneously playing a worldwide game of Nerf Assassin.