The Woes of Diplomacy

by facepalmforever

The following is a poem written by Jonathan Jasper as a surrender order for his country, Austria-Hungary, to John Burk Merryman’s country, Germany. After allying with Austria-Hungary and Turkey (one Alsten Okpisz) to destroy France, Russia, and Britain, John Burk then betrayed the plans for a triple victory in favor of a solo triumph.

To Be Spoken, with Umph:

Friends, Europeans, countrymen, lend me your ears;

I come to bury France, Russia, and Britain, not to praise them.

The evil that men do lives after them;

The good is oft interred with their bones;

So let it be with them. The noble John Burk

Hath told you they were ambitious:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath those countries answer’d it.

Here, under leave of John Burk and the rest–

For John Burk is an honourable man;

So are they all, all honourable men–

Come I to speak at their funeral.

They were my friends, faithful and just to me:

But John Burk says they were ambitious;

And John Burk is an honourable man.

They hath brought a few supply centers home to them

Whose spoils did the general coffers fill:

Did this in France seem ambitious?

When that the poor have cried, Russia hath wept:

Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:

Yet John Burk says they were ambitious;

And John Burk is an honourable man.

You all did see that in the early game

I twice presented those countries a kingly support,

Which they did twice refuse: was this ambition?

Yet John Burk says they were ambitious;

And, sure, he is an honourable man.

I speak not to disprove what John Burk spoke,

But here I am to speak what I do know.

You all did love them once, not without cause:

What cause withholds you then, to mourn for them?

O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,

And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;

My heart is in the coffin there with France, Russia, and Britain,

And I must pause till it come back to me.

All Units Hold

Advertisements